Endings (Leaving)
An obvious place to look for information about leaving to begin a ministry is to see how it was done in the Bible. The Bible gives several examples, some good and some bad, of people leaving on ministry assignments, some for cross-cultural missions and some for home missions.
Jonah was a very successful cross-cultural missionary whose ministry to people in another culture led to more than 120,000 people turning from their evil ways (Jonah 3:6-9; 4:11). However, Jonah did not leave well when he began his ministry transition.
The first time God called him and told him to go northeast to Nineveh, Jonah went west to Joppa where he boarded a ship to Tarshish to run away from the Lord (Jonah 1:1-3). This was not a good way to leave. However, God gave Jonah a second chance, and that time Jonah obeyed by going to Ninevah (Jonah 3:1-2).
Better examples are found in the New Testament where Jesus sent his disciples on a home missions ministry, and the church at Antioch sent Saul and Barnabas on a cross-cultural ministry.
What did Jesus do?
At the end of Matthew 9 Jesus told his disciples to pray for God to send workers into his harvest field because the harvest was plentiful, but there were few people working in it. Then chapter 10 is about how Jesus went about preparing them to go and sending them out.
· Called (v.1). Jesus called them to a particular task.
· Authority (v. 1). He gave them authority over evil spirits and illness.
· Candidates (vs. 2-4). He listed the names of those going.
· Assignment (vs. 5-6). He told them not to go to any other cultures.
· Instructions (vs. 7-42). He told them the following:
· What to do (vs. 7-8). They were to preach, heal the sick, and drive out demons.
· What to take (vs. 9-10). They were to travel light.
· How to start (vs. 11-16). These were detailed steps to take when entering a town and finding lodging.
· Warnings (vs. 17-42). This is a long list of things they would face as they ministered. Additional items are found in Matthew 24 and John 16.
What did the church at Antioch do?
The church at Antioch was the first local church to send missionaries to another culture. Several prophets and teachers, including Barnabas and Saul, attended there. Acts 13 describes a day when something new happened at worship as they were worshiping God and fasting (v.2).
· The Holy Spirit told them to set apart Barnabas and Saul for work to which the Lord had called them (v. 2).
· The prophets and teachers fasted more and prayed (v. 3).
· The prophets and teachers placed their hands on Barnabas and Saul (v.3).
· The prophets and teachers sent Barnabas and Saul off (v. 3).
· On their way as they left, Barnabas and Saul took John Mark along as a helper (v. 5).
Note that their call came through the local church. Their call came during times of worship, fasting, and prayer. The departure was sponsored by their church (Acts 13:1-5).
Also note that John Mark was with them through their ministry across Cyprus, and he sailed on to Perga. However, John Mark left them and returned to Jerusalem rather than traveling on to other cities in Asia Minor (v. 13). That is, a third of the missionaries on that first mission team quit and went home early, a problem that still exists today in the 21st century.
Why do missionaries quit?
The World Evangelical Fellowship sponsored the Reducing Missionary Attrition Project (ReMAP) during the last decade of the 20th century. Between 1994 and 1996 it received surveys from 551 missionaries from 14 sending countries. The results were published in 1997 as a book edited by William Taylor and titled Too Valuable to Lose: Exploring the Causes and Cures of Missionary Attrition. One thing the survey asked was for the missionaries to indicate the seven most important reasons missionaries they knew had left their agencies during the previous five years. Excluding retirement, the top seven reasons for attrition are listed here in order.
· Child(ren): One or more of their children were unable to adapt to new culture, or had needs related to education, health, or behavior.
· Change of job: They had completed an assignment or moved to a new post.
· Health problems: They had issues in mental and/or physical health.
· Lack of home support: They had inadequate financial, prayer, and/or other support from their home country.
· Problems with peers: They had relationship problems with field leaders and/or fellow missionaries
· Personal concerns: They had low self-esteem or were dealing with stress, anger, unrealistic expectations, singleness, loneliness, etc.
· Disagreement with agency: They had disagreements with their missionary sending body over policy, authority, etc.
What have agencies done?
After presenting the survey results the ReMAP report included at least two chapters about each of the following areas.
· Selection: These chapters suggested criteria that were crucial to consider when accepting people for missionary service.
· Pre-field training: These chapters included suggestions for both formal and non-formal training before the recruits went to serve.
· Orientation: These chapters gave suggestions for dealing with such things as cross-cultural differences and language learning before going.
· On-field training and supervision: These chapters included what should be done shortly after the recruits arrive on the field, and who will hold them accountable.
· Missionary member care: Five chapters suggested pastoral care, psychological care, care of third culture kids, etc.
Work on ReMAP II began in 2002, and it gathered data from 22 counties, including 600 mission agencies with a total of nearly 40,000 missionaries. The results were published in 2007 as Worth Keeping: Global Perspectives on Best Practice in Missionary Retention. ReMap II concentrated on finding out whether or not the suggestions made by ReMAP actually increased retention. It found that mission agencies with at least 50 on-field missionaries and which instituted the suggestions above lost only about 6% of their missionaries each year. However, smaller agencies which did not follow the suggestions lost missionaries at the alarming rate of 33%.
Dave Pollock pointed out that if missionaries wanted to enter right, they had to leave right. The rest of this chapter is about helping missionaries to leave right. To leave right Pollock suggested that they build a RAFT, an acronym for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewells, and Thinking destination.
Reconciliation
Reconciliation means doing whatever it takes to heal any broken relationships. Although the situation was not one of missionaries leaving for service, Joshua 22 has an excellent example of reconciliation between two groups of people who had a serious misunderstanding.
After entering the Promised Land and after fighting together for it, the two and a half tribes said goodbye and left to go to their land on the other side of the Jordan River. They had grown up together during 40 years of travel and had helped each other get their land. Together they had done all that Moses and Joshua had commanded, and they were parting to go to their new homes with God’s blessing (Joshua 22:1-9).
On their way home, the two and a half tribes built an altar to God on the West bank. When the other tribes heard about it they were so angry that they met at Shiloh to go to war against the two and a half tribes. They sent Phinehas and ten men, one from each tribe, to confront the two and a half tribes (Joshua 22:10-14).
Unfortunately, Phineas did not take a good approach to healing a relationship. Rather, he came pointing an accusing finger saying, “How could you? How could you?” It was certainly a critical time for reconciliation. Looking at the reply by the two and a half tribes (Joshua 22:22-29), we find five things that can lead to reconciliation. The vowels of the English language help us remember what they are.
Acknowledge the Almighty. First, their reply begins with, “The Mighty One, God, the LORD! The Mighty One, God, the LORD! He knows!” Beginning with acknowledging that you both serve the same God, that you are both building the same kingdom is very important. This way you establish a common ground for both parties, a point of agreement from which you can rebuild the relationship.
Explain your Excogitations. Yes, “excogitations” really is a word—it begins with “E” and means your thoughts. The second thing you need to do is to explain, clarifying your intentions and motives. Notice how they attempted to do that over and over at the beginning of many verses.
Giving these repeated explanations, they were trying to get the other Israelites to understand what they intended while doing what they had done. Of course, at the same time they were trying to understand how the other Israelites interpreted the same things. Likewise, as you explain your intentions when misunderstood, remember to make an effort to understand how the other person perceived them. Paraphrasing them by saying something like, “What I hear you saying is______________” (you say the same thing in different words). Until you understand how they view things, you will not be able to help them understand your thinking.
I-messages on the Issue. The third principle is to speak in first person (“I” if singular and “we” if plural) and concentrate on the issue separating you rather than making personal attacks on other individuals. If you count the words “we,” “us,” “our,” and “ours” in verses 22-29 (NIV), you will find these first-person pronouns used 22 times in these eight verses, nearly three times per verse. On the contrary, you will find the second-person pronouns “you” and “your” used only five times, less than one per verse. How different this is from the “How could you? How could you?” used by Phineas in earlier verses. Using “I” does not mean that you are self-centered, only that you are talking about things as you see them. If you accuse others by using “you,” they are likely to become defensive and never understand what you are trying to get across.
Open to being the Offender. Fourth, admit that you may be the one in the wrong. You may be the one who has committed the offence. Notice that they tell other Israelites not to spare them “If this has been in rebellion or disobedience to the LORD…” (v. 22). They go on asking God to hold them responsible “If we have built our own altar to turn away…” (v. 23). Being open to being in the wrong tends to diffuse emotions and lead to productive discussion.
Understanding before Unanimity. Finally, keep in mind that your goal is understanding on both sides. You are not trying to convince others that your position is the “right” one and to agree that theirs is wrong. You want to understand their viewpoint and help them understand yours. This really happened in Joshua 22. When Phineas and his committee of ten finally understood, “they were pleased” (v. 30). If you do not reach understanding, the problem will surface again and again. People want to know that you understand them. They usually don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care.
Affirmation
Affirmation is the second step in building a RAFT. It is just a matter of letting others know that you appreciate them. It is saying “Thank you” for being who you are or what you have done. When giving their explanation, Phineas and his committee noted that, the two and a half tribes had “rescued the Israelites from the LORD’S hand.” In fact, when Phineas returned and explained it to the other Israelites, “They were glad to hear the report and praised God” (v. 33).
Telling others you appreciate them may be difficult. Rather than telling people how much we appreciate them while they are alive, we often wait until they are dead and give the compliment at a memorial service. How much better to say it when they are right there with you! Doing it when we are ending our time at home sets us free to leave, helps others let go, and sets the stage for a warm reunion in the future when we return.
Farewells
Saying your farewells is the third step in building a RAFT. Don’t just leave. Say goodbye to people in an appropriate way to bring closure to your time together. Do it in a setting that is comfortable for all involved. This may be having coffee together in your favorite shop, taking a walk together through a meaningful place, eating lunch together at a familiar restaurant, or having them over to your home for dinner.
In addition to people, say goodbye to special places. Of course, you do not need to do this verbally, but visit those places remembering things that happened there. You may want to visit the university where you graduated, the church where you worshiped, the hospital where you had a child, and so forth. Your children may also want to say goodbye to playgrounds, parks, and their rooms at home.
Goodbyes to pets may be more emotional than you expect. Dogs and cats which have been around your house for years almost become members of the family. Children may become attached to the goldfish they have been feeding for years. As you leave them in someone else’s care, remember the good times you had with them.
Other possessions you have may just be too large to take with you. So you will need to say goodbye to the table you sat around as a family, to the entertainment center where you saw great movies, and to the favorite dresser in your bedroom. As you put these things in storage for when you return, or sell them to fund your going, or give these things away, be thankful you had them and think about what is ahead.
Think Destination
The final step in building your RAFT is to think about your destination. What are your expectations in going to your host country? Just as you have said goodbye to many people, places, pets, and possessions, what do you look forward to saying hello to when you enter your new culture? This is the time to plan for the future.
Just as you are saying goodbye to some people at home, it is time to begin connecting with other people in your host country. Email and Skype in this digital age make it easier to plan when and where you will unite. Begin to plan a schedule to personally greet digital “friends” when you get there.
As you say goodbye to your current position, plan for your new one. What kind of work/study/ministry do you see in the future in your host country? After you have built your RAFT, you are ready for the end of the leaving stage.
Pre-field Training and Orientation
As noted, Jesus oriented his twelve disciples for their first assignment in Matthew 10 where they were called, given authority, listed name by name, given instructions about where to go, what to do, what to take (or not take), how to start the work. Your agency will do all of these for you relative to your work in the 21st century. Your agency will also orient you to the structure of your agency in terms of flow-charts of administration, history of its ministry, theological positions, and so forth.
We saw that Jesus also warned them about things to expect in verses 17-23. These included the following:
· Handed over to councils
· Flogged
· Taken before governors and kings
· Betrayed by brothers
· Hated by everyone
· Persecuted
· Forced to evacuate
All of these are still relevant today, and you need some instruction about what to do when these things happen to you as you serve in your host country. The more you can learn during your pre-field training and orientation the better for you. In addition to what it provides, your agency may send (or recommend) further training provided by someone else. Mission Training International (MTI) provides excellent month-long pre-departure programs for both adults and children at https://www.mti.org/programs/ .
Is leaving a new problem?
No, this problem has been around as long as missionaries have. Although this example involves a very early missionary leaving friends on the field, it is the best one in the Bible about leaving. A look at Paul and his relationships with the people of Ephesus shows us some of the problems with leaving people he had been with several times over a period of years.
Paul was apparently in Ephesus only a short time near the end of his second term. After speaking in the synagogue, Paul left a couple in Ephesus to continue the work. People asked him to spend more time there, but he declined, saying he could come back if it was God’s will (Acts 18:19-21). He and his co-workers there had to say goodbye.
Near the beginning of his third term, Paul again went to Ephesus for a much longer time. After more than two years of evangelism, discipleship, spiritual warfare, and encouragement Paul again said goodbye and left. He traveled to Macedonia with a multinational team of seven others (Acts 19:1-20:1). Again he and the disciples he left there had to say goodbye.
Near the end of his third term, Paul decided not to stop at Ephesus even though he was passing close by, because he was in a hurry. However, he did stop a few miles south of Ephesus and sent for the elders of the Ephesian church so that he could meet with them briefly. Then they again had to say goodbye. In this instance we are told more about the nature of the goodbye: They wept, embraced, kissed, grieved, and finally tore themselves away (Acts 20:16-21:1). Saying multiple goodbyes to friends as one leaves is nothing new for missionaries.
Pollock’s transition model gives a good summary of leaving. As people leave they are separating from people they have known well, bringing closure to this part of their lives. Things such as recognition for what they have done, goodbye parties and saying their goodbyes to people and places all lead to their withdrawal and exclusion from the inner circle. They are disengaging as they relinquish their roles and distancing themselves from old relationships. They may in some ways be in denial and feel grief and sadness at their losses, rejection by others, and resentment that those others are continuing as part of the in-group. However, they realize that all this is temporary, and they are looking to the future.
Several brochures on related topics are available free of charge on www.missionarycare.com.
· A brochure about saying goodbye at http://www.missionarycare.com/brochures/br_sayinggoodbye.htm
· A brochure about relationships at http://www.missionarycare.com/brochures/br_relationships.htm
· A brochure about reconciliation at http://www.missionarycare.com/brochures/br_reconciliation.htm